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IF THE GLOVE FITS...

OJ Simpson is reportedly writing a ficticious hypothetical book about his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson's murder for $3.5 million, according to the National Enquirer. I know it is not the most reliable news source in the world but they claim that he is naming the book "If I did it" and is discussing how it would have went down had he really committed the crime. I dont know if this is gonna be a "How to" book but I guess in his mind any PR is good PR.

NIK'S HOT PICKS OF THE WEEK

Liquor before Beer

Jaguars over Texans

Jets over Lions

Cardinals over Raiders

Colts over Redskins

Eagles over the Bucs

Broncos over the Browns

Seahawks over Vikings

Beer before Liquor

Patriots over the Bills

Dolphins over the Packers

Falcons over the Steelers

Cowboys over Giants

Chargers over the Chiefs

Bengals over Carolina Panthers

** Monologues are not responsible for any financial losses that may result from relying on these picks of the week

SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN CLEAN

Freshen up on your week 7 NFL knowledge...

• The Packers have lost to 7 of their last 8 AFC opponents
• The first and last time Falcons QB Michael Vick played against the Steelers he completed a career-high 24 passes and tied in 2002 (last NFL tie)
• New England has won 5 straight and 10 of 11 against Buffalo... good luck McGuru
• The Cardinals lead the league in first quarter points with 59
• The Broncos have scored just 62 points in 5 games, tied for second-fewest in NFL
• The Giants and Cowboys are tied for fourth in the NFL in rushing- This is the hot game of the week!!!

UPSET OF THE WEEK

McGuru had his first good week last week with Tennessee over Washington. However not every week can be the week of upsets so lets see if our guru can start a winning streak with Buffalo over New England. This is certainly not impossible. Division games are always intense and can produce unexpected results. Buffalo will have to Billeave.

FOOTBALL 101- TIMING IS EVERYTHING

A typical football game is divided into 15-minute quarters. However, games usually last about three hours because the game-clock which displays the amount of time left in each quarter (in seconds) is stopped many times in the game for various reasons (a team scores, someone goes out of bounds, a receiver drops the ball, injury, timeout, etc). The quarter ends when the game-clock counts down to zero, though any play still unfolding when the clock finishes will be seen until its completion.

After the first two quarters of the game there is a 12-minute intermission called the "halftime." This is when you go to the bathroom, grab the chips, walk the dogs, and least importantly, this is when the players get a chance to rest and enjoy the painkillers.

Unlike the end of other quarters, the end of the second quarter (i.e. the end of the half) signifies a 'semi-restart' of the game. Normally when a regular quarter ends, the game-clock is reset and the next play continues as if there was never an official break in the game.

However, after the halftime a new kickoff begins the third quarter. Whichever team received the ball in the first kickoff of the game will now be kicking the ball. Each half is like its own mini game. The teams timeouts get replenished and the teams switch sides on the field so that their the endzones they defend now become the opponent's endzone.

THE BARBERSHOP

Tiki Barber, who leads the NFL in rushing with 533 yards has got NY Giants fans going crazy with his recent talk of retirement. Barber, who is leaning towards retiring after this season says "I've been considering it for a few years now. It comes a point where your body just doesn't want to to take it anymore. I'm excited about the rest of my life..."

Although he has done well for me this fantasy football season, as a true Eagles fan i must say... Make Like A Tree and Get The Hell Out Of Here!!!

SCOOP, SCOOP BA DOOP

While celebrities are nothing new to Monday Night Football, (John Lennon back in the day, Charles Barkley, Jamie Foxx and so on...) next week is when the PR stunt is expected to get interesting. Monday night, the 23rd, the Cowboys will play the Giants and actress Sanaa Lathan will be the lucky one to chat with ESPN announcers during the game. I wonder how she got that gig? Rumored girlfriend of Terrell Owens better spill the gossip during next week's broadcast or else there is just simply no point in her making an appearance. Somehow i dont think "boxers or briefs??" is gonna be the hot topic of the night.

WOAH THERE... WOOOOOAHHHH THERE

Caption this contest... who can come up with a classic name for this photo?!

FANTASY FOOTBALL NEWS

• Looks like Shaun Alexander might miss more games than expected. Although his x-ray showed great healing in his ankle yesterday, Alexander can be expected to ride the bench against Minnesota this coming Sunday. The team is now estimating that he will miss perhaps 2 more weeks.
• The NFL trading deadline is today at 4pm, Oakland is 0-5, Moss has just 17 catches and has pulled that T.O. potty mouth on both his coaches and his teammates. Will moves be made??
• Curtis Martin will remain on the physically-unable-to-perform list until at least after the Jets game against Cleveland in two weeks.

BEARS OFF TO THEIR BEST START IN 20 YEARS

Going into last night's game I thought for sure that Leinert was going to pull off this huge win against Chicago seeing as how this was the week of NFL upsets!! Before the game started my brother had mentioned that he needed Rex Grossman to do well if he is gonna win his fantasy football game this week. We then went on to discuss how I needed the Bears defense to help me win both of my leagues and that it shouldnt be a problem considering how well the Bears D have been playing lately.

"I've never played so bad and won a game like that," said the Bears quarterback, who threw four interceptions and lost two fumbles. "It was unbelievable."

So you can imagine with -6 fantasy points for Rex Grossman how the night turned out for my brother... not good! As for me, the fantasy gods were on my side in the second half when the defense decided to score two touchdowns with a third TD from the punt return. Neil Rackers is kicking himself (hopefully not too hard) as he thinks about his game-losing missed field goal. I am now 5-1 in both of my fantasy football leagues... huge comeback from last season where i sat in last place all season long!!!

Do these guys not have people coordinating their outfits? I can see why the old guy wants to wear a hot pink tie... it's trendy and it would look good if he wasn't standing next to a closet that threw up. I dont dig the blue sport coat and thats probably why I am being harsh on Troy. Standing alone these men may look fine, but does nobody at Fox realize how horribly they clash?

WINLESS NO MORE

This was truly the week of upsets as Oakland is now the only team in the NFL that has not picked up a W. The Guru has picked up his first win of the season with Tennessee beating Washington at home and the Ravens saw their first loss as Carolina stormed in for their fourth straight win. The Eagles had fans on the edge of their seat until they had to eat a 12 men on the field penalty which basically hammered the nail into their coffin against New Orelans. The Detroit Lions picked up their first win against the Buffalo Bills as Roy Willians had 10 receptions for 161 yards- both career highs. The Tampa Bay Bucs conquered the Cincinnati Bengals in the last 35 seconds of the game. The touchdown reception was initially ruled incomplete but was overturned by the replay that showed Clayton firmly catching the ball as he soared through the air. TO got his chance to gloat on the Dallas star with 3 TD's against against the Houston Texans.

So, who is rootin for the Cardinals?

FUNNIEST NON-FOOTBALL RELATED PICTURE OF THE WEEK

NIKS HOT PICKS OF THE WEEK

Paying 400 a ticket to see Madonna- totally worth it

Cincinatti over Tampa Bay

Dallas over Houston

Eagles over New Orleans

San Diego over San Fran
Denver over Oakland
Chicago over Arizona

Paying 200 a ticket to see Barbara Streisand- could be worth it

Buffalo over Detroit

Baltimore over Carolina

Seattle over St. Louis

Paying 50 bucks to see American Idol in concert- I personally would pay way more than that but i assume most readers here think this is the same as throwing money away

Washington over Tennessee

Pittsburgh over Kansas City

Jets over Miami

Giants over Atlanta

WEEK 6 STUDY SESSION

Here are some water cooler conversation starters or as George Costanza prefers: coffee machine conversation starters:

• The Houston Texans are one of two teams the Cowboys have never beaten. The Ravens are the other.
• Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick has just 15 fewer rushing yards than Tiki Barber.
• Titans RB Travis Henry's 123 yards last week nearly doubled the team's previous season high. Wow, the Titans kinda suck.
• The Eagles lead the NFL with 23 sacks, including 7 against the Cowboys last week.
• The Bengals have not beaten Tampa Bay since 1989.
• Chiefs QB in for Trent Green, Damon Huard, was named offensive player of the week. My husband put him in this week in fantasy football, pure luck!
• The Broncos have won 12 straight regular season games at home, which is tied with Seattle for the longest streak in the NFL.